Beneath A Smile (Part 1)

Beneath a smile hides millions of thoughts and feelings. Nobody knew what was going on with Onika. She put on a good front that everything was okay. She secretly wanted the one and only person that could see every emotion that she was feeling at that moment, the person that make her day better, the person that could make her feel safe and secure, with just a small gesture. She wanted to tell him so bad. He’s always open and honest with her, why can’t she? Oh right, it’s because she doesn’t want to burden another, put more weight and stress on someone she loves.

Nobody knew the demons she was fighting inside, the terrible thoughts that had been floating around her brain. This inner fight was supposed to be a battle between her and only her. No one was supposed to find out.
What happens if they do? Nicki thought to herself. What will happen to my relationships? Will I be treated different?
Onika was soon about to find out what would happen when her secret was finally out in the open.

A Year Ago

 

I was sitting at our kitchen table listening to my assistant and best friend, Safaree, rattle off my schedule for the next week. Recording Studio, Kmart Meetings, perfume meetings, MYX meetings, meeting meetings! To many fucking meetings! I also gotta go be a surprise guest for people, hold my king down and still take care of me. I want to have an empire and be a legend, but this is a lot. I carry so much weight and worry. I felt the urge telling me to do it again. I looked out of the big glass door in front of me, blinking quickly trying to keep the tears from falling. I hate that I do this.

People wait for me fail and half the time I feel like just giving up, and prove them right. This life isn’t for everyone. I miss my family, especially my mommy. I think about what would she say or think if she found of about this. I never want to disappoint her or worry her. I guess the same with everyone around me. They all would be disappointed in me.

All of sudden I felt like I was suffocating, my hands wouldn’t stop shaking, I kept getting hot flashes, and I was super dizzy. “Nic?! Nicki?! Are you okay?!” Safaree asked worriedly. “Y-Yeah I’m okay don’t worry.” 

“I’m gonna tell you everything for next week tomorrow or something, you need to lay down.” I was about to protest, but he pulled me out of my chair and damn near pulled me upstairs “Nigga the fuck you pullin’ me for?!” I guess by me yelling at him signaled that I was fine and he dropped my arm. 

“Oh um no reason just mak-” “Just leave, like I said before I’m fine.” 

I finished walking the rest of the way to me and Drake’s bedroom and slammed the door. I made sure I heard another door close before going into the massive closet and opening a drawer that held miscellaneous items. I searched for a little box, the box that held the thing that was going to help release all the feelings that ate me up. I finally found it and opened it, I walked to the bathroom and dug the sharp piece of metal into her skin. I hissed at the slight pain it was causing me. The blood ran down my arm, I watched it as it glided across my skin. A sense of relief washed over me. I let out a deep breath I didn’t know I was holding. I turned on the water to a luke warm temperature and put my wrist underneath it. I watched as the blood disappeared, running down the drain. I added a bit of soap, it stung like a bitch, but I needed to clean so it wasn’t gonna get infected, I wouldn’t know how to explain that one.




During my tour rehearsals my phones rings, I’m thinking it’s Nicki, I look at the caller ID and it’s Safaree. I answer and he’s telling me that he thinks something’s wrong with Nicki. I ask what happened? But he can’t explain it. I’m sure everything is fine. Nicki probably was overly nice to him, caught the nigga off guard.

"I’ll check on her when I get done here. I’m sure everything is fine." Drake told Safaree.

"Aight."

*Click*

Did this nigga just hang up on me?! Niggas these days. Now he got me worryin’ about Nika. I may cut this day short and go home.

"Aye Papi!" OB shouted.

"You gotta quit callin’ me that. You have a dick."

"I knew it would get your attention." OB winked at Drake and stroked is beard.

"Oh my God, bruh stop!"

My boys started laughing. Nah nigga this shit is weird.

"Are we gonna go over the set list now?" 40 asked me.

"Nah, I gotta go back to the house."

"Everything good?"

 "Um yeah SB just wants me to check on Nicki."
 

 
I put the finishing touches on my outfit, making sure my wrist was covered perfectly. I was walking out of the closet, when I heard the front door open and close. I started to get a little scared because Drake wasn’t supposed to be home yet and everyone else calls me if they’re coming over. I relaxed when I heard him calling my name.

"Onika?!"

"Up here!"

I fully walked out of the closet just as the bedroom door was opening. I reached up and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"Hey babe. What are you doing here?"

"I got out of tour rehearsals early. So, I thought I could come see you."

"Oh well this sucks, I gotta go to my Minajesty meeting. And I’m actually about to be late."

I walked around him to the door. I have a feeling SB called him because even if Drake doesn’t want to admit it, he’s a workaholic too, I mean I know he would drop everything he’s doing for me, but this seems off.

"When aren’t you late?" He laughed.

"Oh shut up, it’s called fashionably late." I told him as I was walking out the door and walking down the steps.

"Nika wait. Why are rushing to get out of here so fast?"

"I told you I’m late for a meeting."



I know she has a meeting, but something’s up. She’s not wearing jewelry on her left wrist, she always puts jewelry on both wrists. I thought to myself, but before I could say anything she was already out the door and into her Aventador.

I walked up to our bedroom, thinking maybe that’ll clue me in on what the fuck is going on. I searched basically everywhere. I checked the time on my phone.

1:30, she should be home soon. I’ll cook her favorite meal and maybe I can get her to open up.


Drake got done setting the table when he had the front door open and in walked in his gorgeous queen. 

Drake walked up to her and took her hand, the left one. Nicki silently gulped when he grabbed that hand.

"You cooked?" Nicki questioned.

"Yeah, I figured you were stressed out and since I got home early, I would cater to my queen."

Nicki smiled lightly and let go of his hand, she made her way to the kitchen to get their beverages. She went to grab the beverage from the fridge and she felt her sleeve raise a little, she “smoothly” dropped her left arm and reached with her right instead. Drake took note of that and went over to help her.

"Here, let me."

"No, no you made the meal and set the table, the least I could do is get the drinks."

They ate in silence, Drake glancing at her every once in a while. He noticed she ate with her head down, she wouldn’t look at him. He also noted that she was picking around her food. She only did this when something was bothering her.

Nicki grabbed her plate with her right hand and got up.

"Nic. Where you-" Drake grabbed her left wrist and immediately dropped it when she yelped in pain.